Going Solo

It’s funny how writing while tired is so much like when I used to write while drunk. I made few quick edits on my last post when I woke up this morning. I felt that same barely tangible sense of guilt I used to possess, every night after I mixed several beers and Facebook.

I’m reading Glover’s No More Mr. Nice Guy, which is hitting home more than I care to admit. I’ve read books on co-dependency before, but I’ve never exactly fit that mold. The “Nice Guy Syndrome” succinctly explains everything I’ve struggled with socially in life. I fit that mold perfectly. While I’ve done a lot of work already, having realized some of these tendencies through mediation, Glover shines a light in some pretty dark places.

I’m a thirty three year old man, and I’m only now learning how to get my needs met. AA is filled with “Nice Guys” and these tendencies are the cause of the alcoholism I struggled with for over a decade.

I’ll get more into the book and what I’ve learned from it in depth in a later post. I’m too exhausted to tackle it now.

I’ve spent much of the day in my head, and with the encouragement of Tater’s mother yesterday, figuring out what I want my hike to be. I want it to be a truly solo, hike your own hike venture at its core. Sure friends will come, but I’m tired of running to keep up with people, or slowing to let them catch up. I’m letting all of that go as of today.

I’m also letting go of the need to finish this post right now. It’s finally starting to rain, and I’m all snuggled up in my bivy. I’m going to sleep so hard!

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